An excerpt from my new humorous fantasy novel Dragon Removal Service. You can get a free copy here.

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Dragon Removal Service

 

Because heroes never take out the trash.

Copyright (c) E.C. Stever 2019. All Rights Reserved.

Chapter 2: Hubward Loves Candy

Hubward loved sweets. He told himself this each morning as he laid out a row of chocolate raisins like pills from a herbalist, and dutifully choked down each.

He professed his love each afternoon as he forced pudding after pudding into his rumbling, protesting guts. Minutes later, as he sat grimacing on a squat-toilet, Hubward wondered when he would next get the opportunity to enjoy the obvious and entirely normal pleasure of eating sweets. They were not at all disgusting. They were a delight.

It was clear that Hubward was a normal ten-year-old boy, and normal boys like him loved sweet things. They couldn't stop chomping those oozing cherry chocolates, the limp licorice, the sappy, glue-like lollipops. And young boys with sweet-tooths (or was it sweet-teeth?) were certainly not known to do magic. Boys with sweet-teeths were safe. Unless you were a chocolate egg.

On his last day in town a flabby, fluffy, and definitely non-magical Hubward trudged to the sweet shop. He was pale and sweating by the time he reached it. Hubward forced himself to push open the shop's door and smile, despite the sickly sweet stench of candy.

"Back again," Hubward said, tremulously. He retched as the stink of chocolate covered pretzels wafted out the open shop door. Hubward turned, as if to vomit, but swallowed it instead. They've just ruined pretzels, he thought. Forever.

"I'll just . . . stay outside today. Like always."

Hubward threw two copper thalers into the shop. He closed his eyes, held open his bag, and whimpered an order. It was the same thing he'd ordered every afternoon for the last three months.

"Whatever you have is fine. Just hurry up. I love sweets, so very much, that I . . ." He started to choke and cough. The vile reek of butterscotch, made his eyes water.

"I must eat them. Immediately."

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